Today is Valentine’s Day. Today is a day when half of us rejoice and half of us snuggle on the couch with a bag of chips, with our TV tuned in to Netflix or our computers set up to our trustiest online anime streaming channel.
Today is Valentine’s Day. Today is a day for pairs, not singles.
Amidst all the fanfare, flowers and Facebook usies/smugies, some of the singles laugh their non-coupled status off with memes, gifs, bachelor’s parties and ladies’ nights. Some of the other singles go about their day as per normal, ignoring the pangs of wistfulness that inevitably surface due to the overwhelming pink, warm and fluffy atmosphere everywhere that can’t possibly be ignored.
There is a small fraction of us that feel the loneliness creep in deeper than others. It affects our mood in some way or another, either resulting in premature PMS-ing or random bouts of self-doubt and self-consciousness. When night approaches, this feeling is intensified for some of us, as we start to mope about our sad state of affairs – Why is everybody else so happily coupled and in love, and I am not? Is there something wrong with me?
Today’s post is dedicated to this group of people, even though most people will not admit that they feel like that sometimes. Despite knowing that these things are merely a matter of time, or the plans of a Higher Being, or simply a matter of fate or destiny.
But you know what? Its okay. Its okay to admit that you are, we are, I am, feeling lonely, or as alone as ever.
What’s more important is what we can and are going to do about it.
Its natural to feel lonely when we are alone. At least we are not the people who feel lonely in a crowd of people. At least we chose, at this point in time, the company of ourselves, over people who don’t understand us, and are there for the booze & laughs.
There are four categories of singles, . The first category contains the ones who admit out loud that they are lonely, and they want romantic company in the form of a boyfriend or girlfriend, just somebody to snuggle with under the covers with. And they are not afraid to speak up on their respective social media platforms, screaming “WHY DO I NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND(GIRLFRIEND)? *SOBS*”
Personally, I admire their courage to speak their hearts out loud. Their ability to be true to their lonely hearts, to be who they are, is admirable. To these people, I say. “Go ahead and try as much as you can, fall as hard as you can, and move on from rejection as fast as you can.” Your fate is in your hands, and you have the power to change it.
The second category of people are the ones who neither hide nor shout out their want of company to the world. They do consciously think that they are taking as much action they can to try to change that situation, but are limited by practical circumstances like living in a small area, experiencing social anxiety, having a shy personality. To these people, I say. “Are you really trying hard enough? Do you merely sit in your house waiting for Prince Charming or Princess (?) to fall from the sky?” Start online. Go somewhere. Step out of your comfort zone. Start from making friends. You don’t have to aim too far at one time. One step at a time is enough. If you fail today, try again tomorrow. Give up when it causes more pain than happiness to you.
The third category of persons are the ones who silently avoid the topic of dating at all costs, either still recovering from a past relationship or romantic encounter, or just have a low self-esteem in general. To these people, I empathise with your pain. But to truly believe that there is nobody out there for you is, excuse my bluntness, utter bullshit. I don’t personally advocate for blind faith that there is a perfect all-rounded partner for everyone, and neither do I believe in the idea of a soulmate for everybody. Give or take, compromise and accept, and somebody will love and care for you for who you are, together with your flaws.
The fourth category contains the ones who just want to enjoy singlehood and want to avoid being a relationship because they are not in the mood or ready to commit. To these people, I salute you for having the mental strength and fortitude to consciously choose to be single every single day. YOLO, enjoy life, love whoever you want or not love whoever you want, and don’t give a shit about what other people say. You live your own life, your own way.
But something that I want to say to all of us singles is that it is okay to be single. Its okay to wait for a somebody that is right for you and whom you would know that its right for you. Don’t give in to societal pressure and the gossipy tongues of others behind your back. This is especially for the ones living in a conservative society where being single past a certain age is viewed as an societal anomaly, and for the vulnerable young adults in a society where being ‘coupled’ is no longer a matter of your self, but just a way conforming with the fad of being ‘coupled’ so that you are not ‘left out’.
I can tolerate those who ask me “Why are you single?” I can laugh it off or ignore when people ask “Did you not try hard enough?” or “Did you just say ‘no’ to all the guys?” I can close one eye to certain persons with authority in my life, saying offhandedly but not unkindly “You’re a girl. You’re just gonna get married and have kids and then become a housewife.” (Because some of the older generation are still conservative in thinking. I accept that, being in my society.) I can choose not to agree or disagree with male friends, with girlfriends, answering the first question for me. “The good ones are attached and the single ones are … weird.” (I have no idea what to say to that, anyway.)
But I personally cannot tolerate the ones who tell people who get attached, saying “Congratulations!” and then gossiping to their inner circle of friends “Finally someone that wants him/her.” Or the ones, who, when they learn that a girl is single, saying “Oh my god, I am so sorry for stepping on a landmine. It must be hard, being single.”, and entirely dismissing the possibility of her as a Category 4 person.
But even so, societal trends or responses are something that you can choose to ignore. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, so if you can take it all in your stride, half the battle is won. Take as much time as you need to focus on yourself if you need it, and don’t let some unconcerned, big-mouthed or non well-meaning person ruin the courage you display in being alone at this point.There’s a time and place for everything.
Remember that there are other kinds of love as well. People and living things who love you unconditionally, no matter what. Your family, your pet, your group of homies, your best friend, your small group of friends, the stray cat that you feed, the people that you help.
I don’t know where ‘online friends’ fit into all this, but I admit that online friends are important to me, even if I disappear sometimes off the online world and reply to messages late. Even if I am a loser for placing online friends so high on the priority list, I don’t care, and I am gonna walk my talk.
So here’s to all of you online dwellers who have touched my life:
I know it sounds super cheesy, and I know that some of you may not read this, but remember that I love you all ❤ ❤ ❤ *hugs*
Happy Valentines’ Day to all of you, whether you are celebrating it in pairs or alone or with a bunch of good friends. This was just a little something that I thought I wanted to write for you guys as my readers, and also for myself. Also, what I wrote above are merely my personal views, and in no way do I mean any offense to anybody. Hope you enjoyed this not-so-short piece, and have a great and happy rest of the day and week ahead! (while I dive back into studying lol.)